Happy New Year everyone! I hope you all had an amazing day reflecting on the year past, planning for the year coming, and fueling your mind and body with healthy habits like I did.
JUST KIDDING. I barely got out of my pajamas, ate some frozen pizza, and basically held Kyrie all day as he slept. I made several attempts at vacuuming but it never happened, the dishes did get *kinda* done, and the Christmas tree is deconstructed but still sitting in the corner because I didn't get it in to storage. Newborn life is not conducive to productivity y'all. Not conducive. That's okay though because:
1) I am totally fine soaking up every ounce of his cuteness and treasuring every cuddle while he wants them and...
2) While it may not be conducive to productivity, it does allow all the time in the world to let my mind wander and think about things I may not typically have the time or brain capacity to entertain.
One of those things has been hitting me hard lately. I have been having such a strong urge to write. I'm not sure if it's the fun stage Kynlee is in right now where she is writing her own books every day just like I did as a kid when I told everyone I wanted to be an author when I grow up. Or maybe it's the fact that we have a newborn again and my instinct is to try to do better at recording every detail because they slip away so easily and I haven't done a very good job of it with the girls. Or maybe I'm just finally entering a season in my life where writing is supposed to play a larger role. I hope so.
Whatever it is, the urge is SO strong.
Every time we go to visit Sean's family I see a paper his mom posted in the guest room that says...
"Writers Write"
....and it always makes me feel some type of way. This may seem a bit dramatic but I feel like I'm failing that little girl and her dreams to be a writer. I tend to just shake it off and think to myself that maybe I'm not actually one of those people who is meant to write and create and move people with their words. Because even though I wanted to be an author growing up, even though I won several writing contests through the years, and even though I find expressing myself through written word endlessly easier than spoken word.....the fact of the matter is I DON'T WRITE. I can't commit to keeping a journal. I can't commit to being consistent with a blog, as you can see considering this one I am posting to now was started (and forgotten about) in 2012.
I don't write, not consistently any way.
And I am so sad every time I really stop and consider that. Because when coming back to this blog tonight to see whether it was even still there, I was nearly in tears reading through the few posts I did manage to write and all the details about Kynlee that I had basically forgotten. What a blessing to go back and relive those moments and milestones when I honestly thought that those details were gone forever, at least with such clarity.
I think the timing was actually very intentional (thanks God), because that particular subject has been on my heart so much lately throughout my pregnancy with Kyrie and his first 5 weeks of life. I look at him when he does something for the first time and I find myself trying to remember the same moments with the girls. What it felt like when they were babies and how their little baby rolls looked and felt. How they sounded when they found their voices to coo and giggle. What their personalities or fun quirks were at certain ages.
But I can't.
Of course I remember generalities and I have pictures which are great. I have some things documented but honestly for someone who claims they "love to write" I did a terrible job. And as I watch Kyrie already growing and changing so much I have an intense conviction to do better. Especially since reading through these few short posts about Kynlee just now was the closest I've come to really remembering how she was and WHO she was at that specific time. And I loved it.
So all that to say I'm dusting off the cobwebs and trying this again. Maybe I'll be better this time or maybe 6 years from now I'll find this blog again and get a little joy over reading through what was happening in our lives for a few short months before I let life get in the way once again.
But hopefully the former, because.....
Writer's Write!
Right?
